


Memories of since passed

by Miss_Creepella (orphan_account)



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Body Horror, Demon Deals, Demon/Human Relationships, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Torture, Julian Devorak Route - Reversed Ending, Julian Devorak's Route, Julian Devorak's Route Spoilers, M/M, Other, Psychological Torture, Transformation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26777104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Miss_Creepella
Summary: After selling his soul to the Devil in order to protect his friends, family and lover Julian struggles to keep his memories locked away in a journal. He lost it somewhere in the Raven when he was not longer able to cognate, once Ophelia starts to clean up the hanged raven she finds the small journal covered in various stains and dried blood startles she starts to read over it.TW! Mentions of body horror, multilation, dysmorphia, self harm, drugs and alcohol, suicidal thoughts, rape and psychological manipulation. This will not be an easy read and I warn you to turn back now if you don't want to read something like that.
Relationships: Apprentice/The Devil | Lucio's Patron (The Arcana), Julian Devorak/Original Female Character(s), The Devil | Lucio's Patron/Julian Devorak
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

If I thought Julian was messy before, compared to the piles and piles of tankards, broken chairs and dishes I knew nothing. He offered to help me; though having just disenfected and bandages up his poor talons he stayed put. 

Luckily most of it was magically materialized and the moment I touched it, it vanished into thin air. In a matter of minutes I'd cut through 5 of the mountains of tankards. I looked over my should to make sure my binding spell I cast on the keg was working and no other ones had appeared. Once I got around to the 7th pile poofing into nothing there was the small leather bound journal and the remains of what used to be his writing kit with the journal discarded and covered in various stains. The charcoal pencil laid snapped next to it as well as a few bloody feathers.

I felt a chill go up my spine as I leaned down picking the small book up. My jaw gaped seeing the writing in blood scrawled across the page. Just like in the book of Asra's.. 

I carefully turned back the pages, some ripped, some had things in between them with horrible rendered illustrations in them. I turned all the way to the from still seeing the magic circle we had drawn and the scotch mark. After that I saw the letters at the top of the page. 


	2. Day 1

_**Day 1** _

I can still hear her screams as I was dragged away, see the tears streaming down her face trying to come after me while she was held back... Ophelia my love... I'm so sorry, I have to protect you, I had to make myself useful somehow...

He took me away into the blackness, tied me up in his chains, burned me, tormented me with my pathetic sacrifice... I wanted to keep ahold of my costume, so much for that now that he burned into them. I tried my best to fight back, though everything he threw at me was crushing. Anytime I thought I was anywhere close to winning he would turn around and destroy me with one hit. My lungs still burn from the impact.. I-I...I want to make this right...I have to make this right...even if it kills me. He's left me now...in a cell like the one in the dungeon, my body aches he hits so hard...so effortlessly. I'm sure if I had a body he would have cracked a rib of two, it hurts to breathe...


	3. Day 2

_**Day 2** _

I wish I hadn't shunned magic so harshly, I wish I'd listened to Asra's rambles about his cards and actually paid attention. He has no weakspot, none I can find. I tried so many things...he's given me my own set of gear. Calls me his toy gladiator. His weak toy soldier, he shredded all of my clothes all I have is this stupid loincloth and dumb 'armor' my boots were the only thing so I've hidden my writing kit in them... I lasted a bit longer today, maybe there is hope..there has to be for you...for all of your sake... My darling I love you, I wish I could have kisses your lips one last time after I said that... take care of yourself and everyone please! 

I'm so hungry, He hasn't fed me, claims he doesn't need to since my body isnt here...but I still feel the hunger, it's so unbearable..its making my teeth ache I don't remember having that before...and something else. I think this realm is trying to twist my mind cause I found myself incredibly angry earlier...at you of all people. 

I don't...I don't understand why would I be mad at you. You didn't do anything...this was my doing, and your safe because of it. I don't regret that...I'd do anything to keep you safe. 


	4. Day 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's getting worse

Day 3 

My teeth still hurt even worse... I didn't get a blow to the face though so I don't understand why they do. I tried fighting again brutally...I slashed him so many different ways he should have dropped dead...he should have. Even when I got his heels??? He didn't even flinch, I didn't understand... He just sat there shaking his head at me. Scolding me like a damn child... that's when I felt the immense pain. 

Looking down I saw my entire body had been covered in slashes, no not just slashes. The ones I'd given the devil...they all came right back to me. I fell to the ground screaming in agony... I. I can't get up. I can't even walk. I sliced right through the acheilies tendons in both ankles... I'm still stuck here on the ground blood pooled around with that agonizing pain in my heels. I'm still so hungry, the pain numbs everything else. 

He laughed at me, I say there screaming and writing in agony and he just laughed in my face, stepped on my back with his hood just hear me cry out in pain once more. He's sick...such a sick bastard. 

Ophelia...I wish I could just feel your touch I'm so alone...so hurt...


	5. Day 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I fought and lost and fought and lost...everytime I did I lost a piece of myself..."

_**Day 4** _

I figured out why my teeth had hurt so badly, the devil finally gave me something to eat, food that looked and smelled real I went to take. Bite out of a rabbit leg and ended up wincing in pain. Puling it away I felt several of my teeth were pointed out.

Shaken with fear I grabbed one with my fingers only to hear it break away with several others. I stared in horror and desperately tried to put them back in... Something was in the way. Something sharp and jagged. 

He laughed at me. Laughed at my misfortune as I held the remnants of my teeth in my hands, staring into a puddle of blood on the ground I could see that the areas where they had been pushed out was not replaced with sharp and jagged teeth. Like a true carnivores, serated for tearing into meat, my whole body went cold as I stared numb from the pain and shock. 

"Ah I see your new teeth are coming in quite nicely, Much better than those ones I saw before so I thought I'd give you the advantage." 

All I could do was stare my hands over my mouth only to have them taken away roughly. He pulled my hair back making my open my mouth. Claws digging into the back of my scalp.

"Now then, let's see that dashing smile of yours now doctor. Hmm?"

I had no choice, he squeezed my jaw so hard I feared it would break. 

"It's not like that Humanity of yours is going to last much longer after I'm done with you.."

He said that to me, I don't understand what he meant by that but I'm terrified...so scared. Even with my body healed I don't want to fight again... Not after he said that. God's I pray your safe, you and everyone else. I have to remember why I did this. Why I am here in the first place, I'm protecting all of you and as long as I do you'll be safe from harm.

My ankles are hurting... But the wounds are sealed, my feet at permanently stuck in a pointed position. The bruising is almost a black purple in coloration, taking over my entire bottom half of my foot and spreading slowly. Its unlike anything I've ever seen before...

I should rest, maybe then the pain won't be so much to handle... I'm surprised I can even sleep now, I guess excruciating pain does make you fatigued...


	6. Day 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw; Brief mentions of rape and sexual assault.   
> Masturbation and torture is also mentioned.

Day 5

I woke up in a cold sweat from my sleep, I dreamed the devil was...he was...I can't even bring myself to say what he wa doing to you I'm still shaken about it myself.

The noises you made and you cried of pain from his..his...I can't even bring myself to say it. It wasn't even real and I'm shaken.

I shouldn't be surprised that he'd stoop that low after all. He had me chained up, I couldn't reach you. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get to you...he just kept on toying with you, his vile member ruining you with each thrust as you cried out... I should be disgusted, I am but I woke up with this raging hard on. I tried to ignore it, I really did. Time just goes by so slow and I caved. That happens when you are stuck in the dark alone I guess... Id love nothing more than to feel you again, your lips, you kiss, your touch, your warm body sunk around me enveloping my mind and body.. 

I miss you, I..I need you. I didn't get to finish, I'm still throbbing with rage, he interupted...and watched me. Yes he actually watched me somewhat amused. I stopped soon after laying back down. 

That's when things took a turn for the worst, I shouldn't have done it I shouldn't have. After a while of silence with the devil watching me like a hawk with it's prey. He spoke. The words loud and clear. 

"Your suffering without her aren't you?"

I ignored him curling up into a ball in the ground. To the best of my ability, his voice coming through the inky abyss all around me. I clung to the small spell I'd cast with your memory to keep on writing. I've had to write it down in the cover so I don't forget.. this...this darkness it's it's suffocating...

I...I can't begin to tell you the horrible nightmares I've been having..even more reason not to sleep. Ones of you getting sick again... because of me. You dying by my hand, a brisk accident hes been twisting my mind. My head hurts so bad. My legs burn like hell I still can't move my ankles only my calf which is in excruciating pain.. I haven't look at it...I can't bring myself to unwrap the bandages even though it feels strained. I know something is wrong. 

I know it in my bones my very being. This...this going to be the end of me if I can't find a way out. Fuck. I...I have to survive this, if he doesn't have me he would have you and I can't let that happen. I'll die before I let him torture you like this----------


	7. Day 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tw; Mentions of pseudo cheating and manipulation.

_**Day 6** _

I couldn't conjure the light spell, he snuffed me out. I..I never told you I'm terrified of the dark and that was nothing more pitch black I couldn't see or feel anything. Any noise or slight change I was looking around frantic. 

I haven't cried in a long time, I'm so used to numbing the pain so I don't. Though in that darkness with his torment and torture I couldn't I couldn't outlast I woke up in cold sweat again. 

My ankles and calves hurt so bad they feel like their on fire, I can't bend them back I've tried they seem like they locked with my toes pointed like a muscle cramp but it's not..not the same pain. It's almost dare I say a growing pain?? Like I felt when I was first starting to get taller. I can use the spell again at least, everytime it goes dark I lose memories I. I wouldn't have written if I hadn't seen the journal out in front of me of read back through. I'm guessing this is the 6th day? I don't know, time passes differently here after all. I miss you, I miss the sun, going to the market with you, waking up next to you in the mornings so close that I'm woken up by your heartbeat. 

I haven't said anything, I can't bring myself to do it yet but it's getting so much worse...it's not just nightmares. It's illusions of you and everyone else. ~~I fucked her, I thought it was you she wouldn't stop, I couldn't stop..~~ I can't. I can't tell you that yet. God I don't even know if I'll see you again at this rate... I miss you. My love my darling please tell me your safe. 


	8. Day 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More violence and heartbreak.

_**Day 7** _

I keep trying not to fall asleep, I don't want to. Everytime I do I get these awful and horrible nightmares and I wake up gasping. Though my nightmare followed me into the waking world...I can't ever escape it now and he was tight there this morning. With that thoughtful look on his face. I knew...I knew something was horribly wrong. The way that demon looked me up and down sent chills through me. 

"Ah, your awake. Good I won't have to wake you myself."

The devil was the absolute last person I wanted to see this morning... especially after...after....... Especially after the cheap tricks he'd been playing on me. I didn't acknowledge the bastard just sat back looking up at nothing as if he wasn't even there. He tried to get my attention a couple more times, I really did my best to ignore the things he said or did though it wasn't enough. The my surprise he stepped right on my foot, I screamed feeling the weight bare down. I swore I could feel bones cracking in it once he put his full weight on it. 

I didn't say anything for a good amount of time just stuck crying and trying not to focus on the pain. After all of that I was the rude one, the one being a terrible guest even though I could still feel the searing hot pain shoot up through my leg. I didn't look at my foot it hurt too much to even look at. He took my journal from me for a good long time, the only thing that had everything I was trying so desperately to remember and he waved it in front of my face like I was an animal. He wanted me to crawl to him for it. 

I couldn't even think of standing or using my legs but he stepped on them again giving me no choice; even bending my knee hurts like I was being stabbed leaving me gasping and sobbing in pain. Putting any weight on it was even worse, after oh I don't know how long he threw it back at me snapped his fingers and left me in the dark. My legs and Ankles still throbbing. The shape...it's changed.. for my feet at least there's a back part forming out of my heel...god what is he doing to me. Will I even be me when I see you again? Oh darling how I long to see you, feel you just even see you for one split second... You must be just as upset as I am if not more, I'm.. I'm so sorry Ophelia. Please forgive me. 


	9. Day 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Could be potentially trigger to those who have self harm issues, more heartbreak and intense violence.

_**Day 8** _

I don't know if days are passing or not, all I know is I keep waking up by nightmares awful awful nightmares, illusions ontop of that. Cruel ones, that fade at the last minute and break any hope I have left. I tried to fight again I shouldn't have but I had enough, 2 blows to my chest and the devil stomping on my back had me sobbing. My...feet if you can even call them that still hurt so badly. They stayed black, theyre gnarled similar to how Malaks talons look.. after I lost he takes his time to look me over as if he has a terrible decision to make. He took my arm and gouged deep into them dragging long slashed into my arms, my voice had given out already so it was just silent choked sobs and screams. 

There's nothing scarier for me then not being able to tend to a wound properly... especially not now. I guess it's a doctoral thing but when you've had so many patients pass away from infection it's...it's a serious thing. And I can't die, I have to stay here to keep you safe, to keep everyone else safe...I have to... I don't think I could ever be- If I could ever live with myself if you got hurt like this.. no. I can't think about that. Youll be okay... I know you will... 


End file.
